~May Your Light Shine :D~

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

After thinking for quite some time,I have finally decided to write out things that I have hide it away from everyone.All these while maybe some of you might have seen me feeling very happy,cheerful or what but in actual fact I have nvr been feeling that way before & was just acting to be one.Those smile that appear on my face were fake because I dun wish people to come & ask me why am I feeling so EMO.And after so much of self-reflecting I realise I'm just a useless & weak person in this world.

As a friend,I think I'm not a person that anyone will find me when they need help cos sometime I can't even help myself let alone helping people.There are also time when I see my friends upset because they have broke up in their relationship & I wish I could do something to cheer them up but I can't cos I myself is a complete failure in relationship.Guess I'm just a useless friend.

In a relationship,I'm really sucks at it.I love her very much but yet I dun know how to express it out.I know she meant alot to me but then I did not treasure her & so I end up losing her.I'm just such a stupid idiot guy who dun know anything about love.Its about 2 months since this relationship had ended & I might seems to have recover to some of you but then deep in my heart I know its far from recovering.Cos I still miss her very much but I know I shouldn't be.I have also kept the ring in my wallet not because I was still hoping her to return to my side but because I just wanna kept those wonderfully memories with me.

As a CI,my goal is for unit to become a gold unit again.That is also the reason why I went for CIBTC but then maybe I'm just too naive to think that I can do it.I'm just a weak CI.A CI that has no talent & ability.Maybe in the first place I should not even have go for CIBTC cos I'm not even fit to be a CI.I just feel so unless.Seeing my unit in a terrible shape but yet I can do nothing much to help.

In my family,as the eldest son I think I'm also a failure.My parents have high hope for me but then all I have done is to disappoint them.My studies haven been doing very well all these years.Though they think my result was alright but I think it sucks.Sometime I really wonder what have I succeed in my life.Maybe there is one which is wasting the resources of the world.

Jonathan blogged at 10:36 AM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...